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          Clear for Lake-Off

          Will LeBron James' heroics pull a retooled Lakers team past its dramatic tendencies and into the championship picture? John McCoy/Getty Images
          • ESPN staffAug 15, 2019, 02:00 PM

          After a roller-coaster's worth of free-agency and trade ups and downs over the past year, the Los Angeles Lakers are finally ready to start a new season (after Kyle Kuzma and Team USA play in the FIBA World Cup, starting on Sept. 1). Here's a (slightly deconstructed) Bingo card to help you know what to expect.

          Column "B"

          1. LeBron James' time at point guard ends when dozens of laser passes to Kentavious Caldwell-Pope bonk season-ticket holders in the head.

          2. Paul George and Kawhi Leonard combine for 90 points in Clippers' first game against Lakers.

          3. Paperwork snafu leads to LeBron James wearing No. 23a and Anthony Davis No. 23b.

          4. Jared Dudley starts Twitter beef with [INSERT PLAYER NAME HERE].

          5. After signing six players named Antetokounmpo, the front office installs a countdown clock until Giannis' 2021 free agency.

          Column "I"

          1. Comparisons to Dwight Howard's failed LA stint lead Anthony Davis to deny press access for half the season.

          2. Lakers offer J.R. Smith $1.9 million to play somewhere else, ESPN's Adrian Wojnarowski reports.

          3. The Brow shaves his brow in an effort to reverse team's 5-11 start.

          4. JaVale McGee makes his long-awaited return to Shaqtin' a Fool.

          5. GM Rob Pelinka tells the 100 percent true story of Kobe Bryant once hang gliding with Thomas Edison and Verne Troyer.

          Column "N"

          1. Owner Jeanie Buss stresses the "importance of family" when naming brother Jim the Staples Center "sanitation and food safety director."

          2. Quinn Cook is the only Laker not to get an invite to one of the James family's Taco Tuesdays.

          3. FREE SQUARE (Jack Nicholson seen grinning courtside.)

          4. After LeBron pushes him out as head coach of the Lakers, Frank Vogel is cast by Rich Paul as the coach in the 2026 "Air Bud" remake.

          5. DeMarcus Cousins suspended three games for bumping into Staples Center popcorn vendor.

          Column "G"

          1. Ever-earnest Magic Johnson tweets, "If the #LakeShow can get back to winning, they'll have a shot at the postseason!"

          2. Linda Rambis promoted from executive director of special projects to president of basketball operations.

          3. GM Rob Pelinka seen fiddling with iPhone calculator app as trade deadline approaches.

          4. LaMelo Ball earns draft workout invite after impressive half season in Estonia's Korvpalli Meistriliiga.

          5. Rajon Rondo kidney-punches Grizzlies' Grayson Allen after Allen gives him a wet willy

          Column "O"

          1. LeBron James orchestrates midseason trade for a Klutch Sports client.

          2. After being denied Team USA invites in high school and college, Kyle Kuzma-driven by pure pettiness-leads scoring at the FIBA World Cup.

          3. Assistant coach Jason Kidd spills another drink on the court.

          4. Continuing to yam on defenders who don't think he can dunk, Alex Caruso receives the most fan votes for the All-Star Game.

          5. Lakers host "Bald Mamba" night in honor of Caruso's All-Star nod.