And breathe. Wow! What a madcap couple of days of football across the big European leagues. Goals, controversies, and drama -- it had it all. A panting By The Numbers is now ready with the best numbers from the weekend's action:
Leicester City dismantled Manchester City 5-2 (that is the correct scoreline), Manchester United waited until after the final whistle to salvage three points at Brighton & Hove Albion (3-2), Chelsea barely survived a West Bromwich Albion onslaught (3-3), and Everton outclassed Crystal Palace 2-1. Oh, and Jose Mourinho really does not like VAR (Tottenham 1 -1 Newcastle United).
The stat of the weekend, first up. This was the first ever time a Pep Guardiola-managed side has conceded five goals - in 686 games. It is also the first time in 438 games at the Etihad Stadium that Manchester City have conceded five (in any competition).
Only two people have ever scored a hat-trick against a Guardiola-managed team - Lionel Messi (in the 2016-17 Champions League) and Jamie Vardy, who has done it twice. Both have come in league action (this past Sunday, and December 2016).
In fact, no player has ever scored more league goals against a Guardiola side than Vardy (six).
Leicester City are the first side in PL history to score three goals from the penalty spot in a single game.
Chelsea became the first PL team since West Ham in February 2011 to avoid defeat after trailing by three or more goals at half time. Whom did West Ham play that February night? West Brom, at the Hawthorns, in a game that also ended 3-3.
This is as unlucky as it gets -- Leandro Trossard is the first player to hit the woodwork three times in a PL match since Cristiano Ronaldo vs Newcastle United in October 2006.
The woodwork has stopped five shots by Manchester United's opponents this season -- the same as David de Gea.
Speaking of de Gea, the Manchester United goalkeeper has saved just two of the 29 penalties he's faced in the Premier League (6.9%). Of the 30 keepers to have faced at least 25 in the competition, only Paul Robinson has saved a lower share (6.1% - 3/49).
This was Manchester City's 10th defeat in their last 36 PL games. For comparison, Liverpool have lost 10 of their last 128.
West Ham smashed Wolves 4-0, thanks to a brace by Jarrod Bowen, who is no stranger to home goals. Since the start of the 2017-18 season, only Mohamed Salah (50) and Sergio Aguero (38) have scored more home league goals in England's top four tiers than Bowen (36).
Since the start of last season, Chelsea have conceded more away Premier League goals than any other side.
Since 2006 (when Opta began collecting such data), the penalty equaliser by Callum Wilson is the latest any side has scored with their first shot on target in a match in the PL.
The goal by Bruno Fernandes at 99:45 is the latest scored in the PL since Juan Mata's strike for Chelsea against Norwich in August 2011 (100:03). It is, though, the latest ever game-winning penalty in PL history.
Napoli smashed six past a hapless Genoa, Inter beat Fiorentina with the odd goal in seven, and Sassuolo, Atalanta and Benevento all scored 3+ goals in their wins. Italian sides really don't do catenaccio anymore, it would appear.
Filippo Inzaghi's Benevento are the first newly-promoted side to score 3+ in their first game of a Serie A season since Juventus back in 2007.
Counting Sunday's win, Inter have won six league games after being in a trailing position post the 85th minute of play, more than any other side in the history of Serie A.
This is rather surprising -- Since the start of the 2019-20 season, no team have faced more penalties than Juventus in Serie A.
AC Milan are on a 17-match unbeaten run (W13, D4) in all competitions, their longest since 1996, when under Fabio Capello they went 27 unbeaten. In fact, Milan have won their first two matches of a Serie A season without conceding goals for the first time since 2002/03, under Carlo Ancelotti. On Sunday, Milan beat Crotone 2-0.
Luis Suarez is the first player to score and assist on his La Liga debut for Atletico Madrid in the 21st century. He is also the first ever debutant to score a brace for Atletico. Did you expect any different?
Real Madrid conceded two goals in the first half of a La Liga match for the first time since October 2018, when they lost 5-1 to Barcelona at Camp Nou. That particular match was their last under Julen Lopetegui.
No La Liga player has scored more headed goals than Sevilla's Luuk de Jong (five) since the start of last season (all competitions), four of those were assisted by Jesus Navas. Sevilla eased past Cadiz 3-1.
Ansu Fati has scored seven La Liga goals in 2020; only Lionel Messi (12) has scored more for Barcelona this calendar year.
At 17 years and 332 days, Ansu Fati is the youngest player from the top five European leagues to score 10+ goals in all competitions since the start of last season.
The inimitable Iago Aspas has now scored 104 league goals for Celta Vigo, equalling Manuel Hermida (104) as the club's top scorer in the top-flight.
This is the first time in six years that Hoffenheim have finished atop the Bundesliga table, last doing so on the first matchday of the 2014-15 season.
Schalke have lost their first two Bundesliga matches with one goal scored and 11 conceded. This is the worst ever record of any Bundesliga side ever after two match days. They sacked their manager, David Wagner, on Sunday.
The last time both Bayern and Dortmund lost in the same Bundesliga match-week was the last game of the 2017-18 season (May 12, 2018). Bayern lost 4-1 to Stuttgart and Hoffenheim beat Dortmund 3-1.
This is no accident for Hoffenheim. They have now scored 3+ goals in each of their last five Bundesliga games, scoring four goals thrice. And they like hosting Bayern Munich. Including Sunday, the champions have now lost four of their last six visits to Hoffenheim in the league.
This defeat has seen Bayern Munich's record 23-game winning streak snapped (previous record for the top-five European leagues - Real Madrid´s record of 22 in 2014).
Lionel Messi played up top in a rejigged Barcelona XI and had a relatively quiet night, scoring just the one penalty (and providing the pass off which Pau Torres scored an own goal) as Barca had an easy night out. Cristiano Ronaldo, meanwhile, scored two goals (a penalty and a trademark header) as Juventus struggled against Roma.
Ronaldo has scored in both the first two league games of the season for the fourth time in his career, after 2009, 2011 and 2014.
Messi has become the fourth player in La Liga history to score in 17 consecutive seasons, after Agustín 'Piru' Gaínza (19), Carlos Alonso 'Santillana' (17) and.. Sergio Ramos (17).
Ronaldo is the first player in history to score 450 league goals across Europe's top-five leagues. In case you were wondering, Messi is hot on his heels with 445.
(Stats courtesy: ESPN Stats and Information Group)