Did you give up on the Tour de France 14 PED scandals ago? Well, maybe our Netflix-y guide gets you back on the bike for some yellow-jerseying in July!
How does it all work? We break down a platter of the storylines heading into the Tour. Then we connect them to the stars and stories from around the world of sports to find the common flavors. Lastly. we took the pre-race odds and broke it down along a five star rating scale. Don't get lost in the peloton, let's dig in.
If you like Conor McGregor, you'll love ... Peter Sagan
Sagan is a legend, with a record six green jerseys (yellows go to the best overall times in the TdF; greens are for most stage points). But he's better known for his flair, like his Forrest Gump impression during one stage win in 2012. He pumped his arms in Gump-ish style and said, "When [Gump] was told to run, he ran. And when I'm told to win, I win." OK then!
Rating: 1.5/5 stars
If you like Muggsy Bogues, you'll love ... Nairo Quintana
Greg LeMond calls Quintana the best pure talent he's ever seen, but it hasn't been easy. The Colombian rider grew up in a financially strapped home near the Andes, biking 10 miles uphill to school most days. But that's why one of pro cycling's tiniest riders (5-5½, 128 pounds) is also the most lethal climber-and one of the biggest threats to Thomas.
Rating: 4.5/5 stars
If you like Jon Jones, you'll love ... Alejandro Valverde
What a roller-coaster ride. Valverde was the world's best racer before PED suspicions were confirmed by a flunked test. He served two suspensions (2009-11) despite proclaiming, loudly, his innocence. By 2015, he'd again climbed to the top of cycling, and he is riding as well as ever at 39. The one thing-other than a clean rep-still eluding him? A yellow jersey
Rating: 3.6/5 stars
If you like Kurt Warner, you'll love ... Michael Woods
Woods shouldn't even be here. The 32-year-old is making his Tour debut after a wild, Warner-esque career path. The Canadian was a high school track star, setting national records and fostering Olympic dreams. But injuries derailed his track career, so he tried cycling at age 24 ... and voilà, by 26 he had a team sponsoring him, and now he's debuting in the Tour
Rating: 3/5 stars
If you like Tim Duncan, you'll love ... Geraint Thomas
Thomas is the reigning champ with few clear threats ... and is just kinda quietly great. With four-time winner Chris Froome out with an injury, Thomas will have a big yellow target on his back. He has an elite team (especially 22-year-old phenom Egan Bernal), and a second title would cement his place among this century's best riders-even if it's been a bit of a vanilla ride.
Rating: 5/5 stars