We round up some of the best quotes from the last seven days in sport...
"The sight of an ageing lady chewing gum with bright red lippy on is not acceptable."
Joey Barton's fashion bible was not tipped to become a Sunday Times bestseller.
"He could win a poker school in Govan, him. They've got a good price."
Sir Alex Ferguson offers the highest praise for Arsene Wenger after meeting him at the negotiating table over Robin van Persie.
"Steve is a very good fisherman. He loves fishing."
Wallabies coach Robbie Deans refuses to take the bait after Steve Hansen launched a war of words prior to their Bledisloe Cup encounter.
"He couldn't knock me out with two peg legs."
Timothy Bradley goads Manny Pacquiao about their last fight. Surely that depends on who's holding the peg legs, though, Timothy?
"You can't turn an ocean liner around like you can turn a speedboat."
Liverpool owner John W Henry believes he's finally worked out why the Titanic went down.
"He will end up signing for Madrid before the market shuts."
Croatia boss Igor Stimac tries his hand at being football's Nostradamus, while talking about Luka Modric.
"I tried to bounce back and recover; I've done great, I have to say."
Novak Djokovic gives Novak Djokovic high praise for, er, winning again after losing a few matches.
"Since I taught Ronaldo in 2009 he has gone on to score 40 goals a season, I don't think he would have scored them all without my training."
Usain Bolt gives himself credit for turning Cristiano Ronaldo into the world's best.