In the latest edition of our favourite quotes of the week, Rory McIlroy gets cold feet, Manchester United get their man, and Roy Hodgson blows his own trumpet.
"This club has big ambitions. I too have big ambitions"
After weeks of flirting, Louis van Gaal was finally asked out by Manchester United
"I'll probably go and get a drink with him. We have done quite often in the past. We like each other. I don't mind if he goes to games. I put more pressure on myself than others ever could with me do. I do not expect any problem"
Van Gaal is unfazed about living up to the standards set by Sir Alex Ferguson at Old Trafford
"You can organise a pub team not to let in six goals against Manchester United. Give me six months and I'd organise them"
Roy Hodgson in one of his less humble moments
"Ed Woodward has an awful lot to prove this time that he's good enough at his job"
Former United midfielder Paul Scholes once again does not mince his words
"The problem is mine. The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realise that I wasn't ready for all that marriage entails"
Rory McIlroy got cold feet and broke off his engagement to Caroline Wozniacki
"Happy I support Liverpool because I know I'll never walk alone"
Wozniacki responds in a way we don't think anyone expected
"The club's owners ate a 100kg cake after winning the Premier League this season but when they and the players were all together, none of them shook his hand on his birthday. It shows they don't care about him. It's really sick"
Yaya Toure's agent Dimitry Seluk launches a bizarre rant aimed at Manchester City owners
"Let me tell you this, I come from a not-great place in Stevenage and lived on a couch in my dad's apartment
Lewis Hamilton thinks his more humble upbringing makes him hungrier for world title success than Mercedes team-mate Nico Rosberg - and also offends the whole of Stevenage
"The political situation is difficult. The situation worries me. There has been sufficient time to bring the stadiums to completion. It's unacceptable. It is a disgrace
Pele refuses to sit on the fence regarding Brazil's World Cup preparations
"Hitting repeatedly on the back of the head can kill a man. Hitting a dude in the nuts will hurt him, but it won't kill him"
George Groves' trainer Paddy Fitzpatrick wants a "strong referee" to keep an eye on Carl Froch's supposed "fouling"
"He's probably the most influential player in the English game"
England coach Stuart Lancaster pays tribute to World Cup winner Jonny Wilkinson, who announced his retirement this week
For more of ESPN's favourite quotes from the sporting world, visit our Quote/Unquote section.