In the latest edition of our favourite quotes from the sporting week, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho tells off a naughty ballboy, Tomas Berdych gives a graphic rendition of his recent diarrhoea and Paul Scholes gets a bit catty...
"I went to stop Azpi [Cesar Azpilicueta]. I was afraid he would lose control of his emotions and push the kid or do something like Eden did last year at Swansea. I told the boy to not do that"
Jose Mourinho had his reasons for telling off a naughty ballboy during Chelsea's defeat to Crystal Palace
"To be up there with a name such as James Hunt … James Clark … Jim Clark ... Sorry, is really a great honour"
Lewis Hamilton is so excited to equal the British record for pole positions that he forgets who it is he is joining in the history books
"I think they would have been better off putting the money into Darren Fletcher's charity"
David Moyes gives his verdict on the protest from Manchester United fans who hired a plane to fly over Old Trafford with a banner
"I woke up with a pain in my stomach, just ran for the toilet and got really strong diarrhoea. Since then, it starts to go on and on. More diarrhoea and then also throwing up and stuff like that. I lost so much of the liquid and all the possible energy I could have"
Thanks for that image, Tomas Berdych
"We need to get it up. I wish I could still get it up, but anyway..."
Don't worry, folks, Bernie Ecclestone is talking about the noises of the Formula One cars
"You're having a laugh, you can see it on the replay. He said his racquet was over the net!"
Not like Andy Murray to have a go at an umpire. To be fair, he was completely in the right this time when Novak Djokovic crossed the net
"It's probably a typical week for Arsenal, really"
It wasn't just Manchester United who took a tongue-lashing from Paul Scholes this week - Arsenal were also given both barrels after following up their 6-0 defeat at Chelsea with a 2-2 home draw against Swansea
"He's not been great, has he?"
Understatement of the year from Paul Scholes on Manchester United's £27.5 million summer signing Marouane Fellaini
"When I'm finished I'll probably go back there, put my rocking chair on the deck and watch my cows get fat"
Clermont Auvergne boss Vern Cotter on his plans for life after rugby
"For me, it's something that is part of the sport, fair play. I expect everybody else to do the same. Of course, not everybody's the same, but for me, that's something that's normal. Just a normal, natural reaction"
Novak Djokovic was applauded for his sportsmanship after admitting a shot from Tommy Robredo - that had erroneously been called out - clipped the baseline
"I'll probably be at ringside for Mayweather's fight against Maidana and will call him out again in the press conference"
Amir Khan still believes he'll face Floyd Mayweather in the future after agreeing to fight on the undercard for Money's fight against Marcos Maidana
"Guardiola has never had the courage to say things in front of me"
Samuel Eto'o didn't like Pep Guardiola at Barcelona and clearly hasn't changed his opinion of his former manager
For more of ESPN's favourite quotes from the sporting world, visit our Quote/Unquote section.
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