In the latest collection of our favourite quotes of the week, Arsene Wenger experiences what most men go through, Tiger Woods feels a little stiff, and David Haye pours petrol on fire.
"You've certainly tried to go out with a girl but find she has chosen someone else. You don't commit suicide"
Arsene Wenger reveals he will not be too disheartened if Luis Suarez were to sign for Real Madrid.
"The thing about Tyson Fury is that he is a bit of a fool, so it's no real surprise that he'll probably make those comparisons"
At least David Haye has identified who he'll be going into the ring with in September.
"I've played maybe five rounds this year, outside of tournaments, charity events and corporate outings. I refuse to play unless there's something on the line"
Ryder Cup hero Ian Poulter doesn't do social golf.
"I made a bad choice. It didn't go well at all. The manager promised me that with Andy Carroll's injury, I was going to be able to play. He did not keep his word at all"
Marouane Chamakh spills the beans on how Sam Allardyce lied to him during his brief (and ineffective) spell at West Ham.
"When I woke up this morning, I was a bit stiff"
Sometimes, Tiger Woods, the punchlines just write themselves.
"There is this conglomerate of clubs in the London area which think they rule the game"
Newcastle Falcons boss Dean Richards on the balance of power in the Aviva Premiership.
"I have never thought about leaving Liverpool, unless they want to sell"
Daniel Agger shows he has the ability to contradict himself in only a few words.
"I had a big headache that day and I went down quite easily"
Bath's Gavin Henson on the punch by Carl Fearns which left him knocked out on the floor of a pub.
"The season before I was the best thing since sliced bread"
We like to think there have been plenty of good things to emerge in-between the discovery of sliced bread and when James McClean burst onto the scene for Sunderland.
"He came on and did the job, so the manager and all the lads are pleased with him"
Phil Jones was just one of the many Manchester United players to back Wayne Rooney. Perhaps he put an arm around his shoulder as well.
For more of ESPN's favourite quotes from the sporting world, visit our Quote/Unquote section.