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Lunatics, b*tches and pensioners

ESPN staff
March 31, 2013
Tony Bellew on the same page as Sir Alex Ferguson? Surely not. © PA Photos
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This week, Tiger Woods sends a private text to the wrong recipient, Tony Bellew finds common ground with Sir Alex Ferguson, and Tyson Fury ironically calls somebody a bitch.

"He told me to get my finger out of my ass."
Rory McIlroy reveals a text message from Tiger Woods that may not have been meant for him.

"I think I've played well this season, without blowing my own trumpet."
Not one to blow his own trumpet, Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher gets out the saxophone.

"He doesn't want to fight back and he doesn't want to fight anybody dangerous. So that, to me, is a bitch."
Tyson Fury attacks David Haye's choice of opponent weeks before his own fight with a washed up 36-year-old weighing 35lbs less than him.

"Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. He lost to a pensioner. How do you let an old man who is out of shape punch you on the head?"
Fury again, this time wondering how David Price managed to lose to Tony Thompson. We're yet to see if Fury can beat somebody of that level.

"There's nothing worse than between 8,000 and 10,000 scousers screaming like lunatics."
Tony Bellew takes the words right out of Sir Alex Ferguson's mouth.

"I'm willing to die in that ring. Is he? We'll see Saturday night."
Bellew not only fails to realise that he will likely lose if he dies, but also puts himself at risk of a visit from the fuzz.

"We may park the bus in defence, but we have two Ferraris up front."
Montenegro coach Branko Brnovic knew he had an advantage as soon as England turned up with their Volvo (otherwise known as Danny Welbeck).

"I f****d up. I'm the black sheep."
Sebastian Vettel finally sees the image of himself that the rest of the world saw after he took the cowardly route to victory in Malaysia.

"The first ball, it's in such a spot that even Lassie wouldn't find it if you wrapped it in bacon. That's how bad it is."
Jose Maria Olazabal got over his poor round by watching Beethoven.

"I hope that Mr Guerrero fights better than he thinks."
New York district attorney Richard A Brown reacts after boxer Robert Guerrero was arrested while attempting to board a flight with a pistol in his luggage.

"When Serena's playing like that, it really doesn't even matter who's on the other side of the net."
Agnieszka Radwanska trash-talks Martina Navratilova by suggesting she wouldn't beat Serena Williams.

"I don't care what I win it by. It could be a dodgy goal off someone's backside."
Sir Alex Ferguson finally admits what we've all been saying for years... Manchester United are just plain lucky.

For more quotes from the week, check out Quote/Unquote section.

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