This week, Gary Neville wishes he was more than just a pretty face, Rory McIlroy clings on to his youthful romance, and Sir Alex Ferguson loses a grip on reality. It's the week in words...
"Trying to speak on the phone with Messi is like trying to call [Barack] Obama."
Diego Maradona intends to rock up at the White House to get hold of the Barcelona man.
"We did have an online poll to pick a new name but we had to ignore the results as it was high-jacked by Lancashire supporters. We would have been called the Yorkshire Puddings."
Yorkshire's commercial director, Andy Dawson, reveals the county's renaming did not go to plan.
"I have banned two papers from the press conferences and they won't get back in here until they apologise."
Sir Alex Ferguson once again forgets he is merely a football manager after taking offence to claims Wayne Rooney could leave Manchester United.
"If you combine a strong personality with success and a handsome face, it is a very good cocktail. I fail in two of these three categories."
Former United full-back Gary Neville has always taken solace in his handsome face.
"If I had that much money I'd be pampered the f*ck up. There'd be people showing up every hour to pamper me the f*ck out."
We're not 'down with the kids', but we believe Nick Diaz is trying to say he would get people to run his life for him if he was earning UFC champion Georges St-Pierre's money.
"The Klitschkos have been conning everyone. All you have at the top of the division are two pensioners who dare not fight a young hungry man like me."
Tyson Fury exposes the bus pass fraud going on by the Klitschko brothers.
"We literally blow up the Blue Monster on Monday and we will then transform it into one of the finest courses in North America."
You can't help picturing Bill Murray from Caddyshack as Donald Trump talks about his plans to revamp Doral.
"Just because I have a bad day on the golf course and Caroline loses a match in Malaysia does not mean we are breaking up."
Wozniacki's empty wardrobe and leaving note might have something in it though Rory.
"I'm not saying you're going to see a new Bernard Hopkins. I'm too old for that crap."
At 48, Bernard Hopkins felt the best way to hype his fight was to highlight the fact he is "too old".
"Let's not forget that Nani is quick to go down, he is not always the bravest boy."
Roy Keane says what the nation was thinking after Manchester United's Nani was sent off for a chest-high challenge against Real Madrid.
"I didn't watch too much of the one-day series in India because I'm not allowed Sky Sports on at home - the TV is usually tuned to Nickelodeon and CBeebies!"
England spinner Graeme Swann probably found a different type of duck to those dished out on the sub-continent.
"He was crazy, it was like having a 12-year-old in the dressing room."
James Milner sums up life with Mario Balotelli.
"I have watched Barnsley and it is clear they are not Real Madrid."
Roberto Mancini wasn't fooled into thinking Marlon Harewood is Cristiano Ronaldo ahead of Man City's tie with Barnsley.
For the rest of this week's quotes, visit our Quote/Unquote section