This week we've got the rare sight of a darts player on a slimming diet, a revolutionary idea from Jupp Heynckes, and Daniel Sturridge doing his best to convince himself Liverpool are a bigger club than the mighty Bolton. It's the week's best quotes...
"I have lost about a stone and a half now. I would have lost more but I had a good Christmas."
Only another 25 to go for Tony O'Shea at the BDO World Championship.
"Balotelli is not a rotten apple. He's a cherry."
Agent Mino Raiola writes Mario Balotelli's online dating profile.
"Before Christmas I also went to Stonehenge for the winter solstice. Swindon had just beaten Tranmere 5-0 and I waited until 4am before going there to see the sunrise. It was raining and I didn't see anything, so I left and went straight to training."
Swindon boss Paolo Di Canio would be advised to check the weather forecast before heading out in his car.
"Well a tiger does not lose sleep over the opinion of a sheep."
Carl Froch cares little for a sheep's political persuasion.
"Let's duck and dive and see if we can overachieve."
Interim Scotland head coach Scott Johnson prepares for his maiden appearance on Tom Daley's TV show "Splash!"
"You've got more chance of seeing me fighting in the UFC than fighting either of those two."
David Haye would rather fight a guy nicknamed "The Axe Murderer" than take on David Price or Tyson Fury.
"We have a common goal. We need discipline. It starts with everyone wearing the same socks."
Jupp Heynckes later advised Bayern Munich to improve their passing accuracy by wearing the same shirts too.
"It is the biggest club I have ever played for. In the Premier League, there is no bigger club than Liverpool."
Daniel Sturridge, formerly of Manchester City, Chelsea and Bolton no less, insists Liverpool are the biggest club he's played for.
"I'm going to stop his pocket money if he carries on playing like this."
Bobby George let's son Richie know there is a downside to reaching the BDO World Championship semi-finals.
"Walters is begging to take it but they won't let him."
Sky Sports pundit Paul Merson pokes fun at Jonathan Walters, claiming he wants to take Chelsea's penalty after scoring two own goals at Stoke.
For the rest of the week in words, check out our Quote/Unquote section.