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'If I was going to lie to you, honestly I would lie'

ESPN staff
December 2, 2012
Would this man lie to you? Honestly, yes. © PA Photos
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In the latest instalment, we have Tyson Fury attempt to come up with a new phrase, news of Dean Ashton's career after football - and an absolutely astounding quote from Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert that is guaranteed to confuse:

"I've grown quite attached to these abs."
No, Freddie Flintoff, the whole point is the abs are attached to you.

"People think footballers just play a few games, drive fast cars and go to night clubs - we do so much more than that."
'The hard life of a professional footballer, by Jermain Defoe' should be an interesting read.

"I don't get people coming up to me around Norwich anymore, unless they mistake me for John Ruddy!"
His football career maybe over, but Dean Ashton has found new life on the lookalike circuit.

"You don't want to see Tiger putt with that putter. If it was up to me, I'd film him and send that to [USGA chief] Mike Davis, and I think he would take the ban off!"
Word of warning, Keegan Bradley - if you hide out in the bushes hoping to catch Tiger using a belly putter, you might end up filming something else entirely...

"Kevin Johnson is a fat pudding and a slow fighter, I will cut him in half with one of the body shots I've been working on."
Tyson Fury tries to coin the 'hot knife through butter' alternative, 'like a body punch through fat pudding'. Don't think it will catch on.

"I try to have as much sex as possible before I fight."
The UFC's first female fighter, Ronda Rousey, with a in-no-way-contrived-how-dare-you-even-suggest-it quote about her bout preparations.

"In South Africa in 2010 I broke my jaw after a minute and played on, so unless I really have to go off, I never will."
Sam Warburton with your weekly reminder, if one was needed, that rugby players are hard.

"If it wasn't for fighting, I'd probably be in jail."
Mark Hunt summarises the importance of the UFC to him; ignores the fact many people are in jail because of fighting.

"If you hang around the team hotel too long we will give it to you too. It's a present from the colonials."
New Zealand coach Steve Hansen was unpopular with his family for his Christmas gifts of the Norovirus.

"He owes me his firstborn or something. Actually, I don't want that. Maybe a sandwich."
New York Giant Martellus Bennett quickly downgraded his demands after catching and "saving the life" of a fan who fell towards him from the stands.

"If I was going to lie to you, honestly I would lie. I ain't lying. I'm telling you the truth."
Paul Lambert goes to great lengths to confuse the media. Honestly, it worked.

"I got my ankle fixed up today so off work till Feb, all went smoothly bar a minor incident involving my stupidness & a pair of skinny jeans."
Women jockeys, eh? Hayley Turner puts fashion before fitness.

"I was shouting and lost my voice almost immediately. That's why I needed the Strepsils!"
Rafael Benitez and perhaps one of the worst endorsement deals in history. Other throat lozenges are available.

For the rest of the week in words, check out our Quote/Unquote section.

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