This week we have Andre Villas-Boas's curious assessment of a football match, Digby Ioane's infatuation with England's wingers, and Carl Froch's complete inability to spot basic trash talk...
"We were in control from the first minute to the last minute."
Never has a 5-2 defeat been more optimistically reviewed by the losing manager. Kudos, Andre Villas-Boas.
"I'm a wrestler and I can knock people out. So that's pretty sweet."
UFC welterweight Johny Hendricks reckons he has a future in a sport where wrestling and knocking people out are pretty much prerequisites.
"He's not going to come over here and take my title without a fight."
Relief all round as Carl Froch finally grasps the basic idea of top-level professional boxing.
"I'm not aware he speaks French, so I'm not too sure he'll move to Paris!"
Roberto Di Matteo believes Ashley Cole won't go anywhere he can't speak the language. Shame English is up there with the most popular languages in the world, then...
"When I joined Villa I didn't know where they played. I thought they were a London club!"
Christian Benteke must have got a real shock when he first arrived in Birmingham...
"They say he's a master in kung fu. You could see that on Wednesday night."
Arsene Wenger credits Zlatan Ibramovic after THAT goal.
"The IRB will review this case as it is a match under our jurisdiction. If we decide to take action we will make it public."
Our friends at ESPNScrum inform us that this IRB statement was released in response to some 'reckless rucking'. Sorry, but 'reckless rucking' sounds like too much fun to be mad at.
"There are magazines, letters, pictures, clothes, creams, everything, he cannot open the door. If he did it would make a bigger mess."
Fernando Torres reveals Juan Mata is very disorganised. Perhaps he's too busy cleaning up after you on the pitch, Nando (oooooh, burn!)?
"When people are called up I expect them to come running, get on a bicycle and cycle to the training session."
'Roy Hodgson considers Wiggins for shock England call-up' was the surprising tabloid headline the next day.
"Fight someone who is going to make you a world class fighter because at the moment you are fighting chumps."
Take that, Nathan Cleverly! So said Tony Bellew, a man who on Saturday fought - to all intents and purposes - an absolute chump.
"They are pretty wingers, they are really good looking and I just can't wait to go against them."
Digby Ioane reveals he got into rugby to test himself against hunky men - confirming the suspicions many football fans have long held about egg chasers.
"He gave me short and sweet answers and then changed the subject and asked me how my mum was."
Was Mikkel Kessler changing the subject, Carl Froch - or was that just schoolyard banter you did not pick up on?!
"Is he talking about Charlie Sharples with his bean head or Chris Ashton with his see-through skin? I can see what he means about Ugo Monye, to be fair. He is an attractive man."
Toby Flood seemed a little disappointed not to be singled out by Digby Ioane. He couldn't begrudge Monye his moment in the spotlight, though.
"He's been warming me up before every match so he needs time off as well."
Novak Djokovic is taking a break as much for his poodle as himself.
"Unless I'm looking at Ronaldo or Messi, I'd never look at someone else and think he's better than me."
Somewhere, Neymar is fuming. Especially as this comment came from James Beattie (it wasn't, it was Wilfried Zaha).
"He's lost a lot of weight; to be fair he had to to get into the heavyweight division did the big lad."
Steve Harmison - a man who can hardly be described as lithe - has a joke at Andrew Flintoff's expense.
For the rest of the week in words, check out our Quote/Unquote section.