We round up the best (and worst) of the quips, gags and gaffes from the last week in sport. This week we've got an embarrassed Lewis Hamilton, a pumped-up Mike Tyson, and a deluded Audley Harrison....
"The failure I have had and overcome is like the Titanic going through the iceberg."
Audley Harrison rightly recognises that his boxing career has been a disaster.
"Hope his head doesn't grow too big, but just to eat dinner with him is an honour for me."
Kyle Walker couldn't believe it cost only £20 for An Audience with Phil Jagielka.
"I go for Burger, ice cream, coca cola... it's fine."
UFC champ Anderson Silva loved spending a week in the life of Wayne Rooney.
"We have a little guy like Raheem Sterling getting called up to the England squad after 200 minutes of action in the Premier League. How stupid is that?"
In answer to your question, Ian Wright, about as stupid as giving Stewart Downing 34 England caps.
"It is very hard for a rose to grow from the concrete but I found a way."
Audley Harrison proves he literally knows every way in the book to make a silk purse out of a pig's ear.
"I practised for an hour and a half out there. Maybe that's where I went wrong!
Rory McIlroy clearly needs 999 on speed dial in order to play good golf.
"We want to see a fight and what comes from it, blood, knockouts, hospital, stretchers."
Mike Tyson champions the prospect of Luis Suarez v Tony Pulis.
"It's in great shape, with superb assets and a great future ahead of her."
David Haigh, the man leading a takeover bid at Elland Road, likens Leeds to a young Pamela Anderson.
"Tony Smith did say in his pre-match team talk last night 'your balls are on the line here guys!' I didn't think he meant literally."
Paul Wood somehow manages to see the funny side after he had to have a testicle removed after Warrington Wolves' Grand Final defeat by Leeds.
"My bad, just found out Jenson never followed me."
Lewis Hamilton makes an embarrassing U-turn after accusing Jenson Button when he thought the McLaren driver had stopped following him on Twitter.
"We all know the words of the hymns. Let's make sure we don't make any mistakes with our singing."
Roy Hodgson gives his England team a pep-talk before recording their cover of Carly Rae-Jepsen's "Call me Maybe".
"Not much of his colossal 6ft 6in, 18st frame is made up with heart or balls."
Roy Frank Warren writes Audley Harrison's online dating profile.
For the rest of the week in words, check out our Quote/Unquote section.