Our weekly collection of the most ridiculous sporting quotes takes in Dereck Chisora, Joey Barton and Mayor of London: Mr Boris Johnson...
"For me, the spirit of the Olympics is an American basketball player next to a tiny Chinese gymnast in line at the cafeteria."
Tennis player Gilles Simon should head to ESPN Towers... we've got a fat guy next to a bald guy.
"Seriously, some Americans just shouldn't leave the country."
Carl Lewis says what we all think when we see George W Bush.
"We will win enough gold medals to bail out Greece and Spain combined!"
London mayor Boris Johnson hasn't quite grasped the seriousness of the global recession.
"I decided not to play that card - because of him, because of the crowd, and because the nation will cry."
Charles van Commenee fails to realise nobody truly cares if Phillips Idowu competes at London 2012.
"There's two things I got in my life, man: my word and my balls."
Dereck Chisora's autobiography probably won't be a great read.
"Got all me kit, still think Stella was a bit Lucy in the Sky when she knocked this one up."
Bradley Wiggins suggests designer Stella McCartney was under the influence when she produced the Team GB kit.
"No monetary b*******. No media b*******. Just pure, old school, mortgages and livelihoods on the line, balls-out football."
Joey Barton tries to display he's going back to his roots at Fleetwood, the irony being that he thought people would care when he tweeted it.
"The strange thing for me was he never put the bag down, so when he was standing on the green he was carrying the bag all over the place. It's just absolute madness."
Open organiser Jim McArthur was no fan of Carlos Tevez's caddying technique.
"I don't have a pen and a contract, so I'm no use to him and he'd be absolutely no use to me."
After Tevez caddied for Andres Romero at The Open, Ian Poulter saw no point in asking Robin van Persie to do likewise for him.
"I think if I'd got money early, I would have been a prat."
Dai Greene can only speculate, where John Terry can substantiate.
For the rest of the week in words, check out our Quote/Unquote section.