In the latest Week in Words, Joe Hart is one of several players auditioning for a Disney classic, Mario Balotelli's affair with Manchester City is revealed, and Timothy Bradley flirts with Amir Khan...
"Some of us like our afternoon snoozes."
Joe Hart reveals there are a few England players vying for the role of Sleepy in the upcoming play of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
"I can't get into the golf, the nicest fellas around turn into absolute k**bs - all those little golfy rules."
Donncha O'Callaghan's Northern Irish neighbours may have something to say about the way he is promoting the sport ahead of the Irish Open at Royal Portrush.
"There are two Marios. There is one who turns up sometimes in training and it is a bit cold and he is not too interested. The other time he really wants it."
James Milner reveals a Jekyll and Hyde character to Mario Balotelli.
"Do they make a good couple? Yes, a nice couple."
Mario Balotelli and Manchester City are a match made in heaven, according to AC Milan's Adriano Galliani.
"I do believe that Newcastle have faxed an offer of £4m - but they must have the wrong player."
Lille head coach Rudi Garcia is right, Newcastle's £4 million offer somehow went to France instead of Liverpool and Stewart Downing, for whom it was intended.
"I would not have a problem getting Peterson's sloppy seconds."
Timothy Bradley breaks with tradition and brings a whole new meaning to verbal sparring.
"He's a p****, a f****** p****."
It may be heavily starred out, but it doesn't take a genius to work out how Andrew Flintoff feels about Michael Atherton.
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