In our latest round-up of the week's most insightful and ridiculous comments, Graeme Swann tries to copy Liam Gallacher, Samir Nasri goads Arsenal fans, Sir Alex Ferguson sums up why Manchester United aren't everybody's favourite club, but Roberto Di Matteo has the last word.
"It's time for a big party with the cup with the big ears."
Roberto Di Matteo plans a shandy or two after a glorious night in Chelsea's history
"In my life I've gone back to an ex-girlfriend and it didn't work out. I'm not sure whether it's the right move."
Di Matteo rules himself out of the West Brom job
"It's like a singer, when they go up on stage the crowd expects a good performance."
Arsenal's Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain clearly never went to a Victoria Beckham concert
"You'd want to have a limb falling off really to not play in the Heineken Cup final."
That's the ideal scenario for Leinster's Brian O'Driscoll, but if his limbs are intact he generally will play
"I blame the ECB for my Euro 2012 omission. Since they banned three-touch football my shop window has closed."
Graeme Swann, clearly disgruntled at the inclusion of Stewart Downing, explains his omission from Roy Hodgson's England squad
"Bit soggy in London today, so I'm going to find a mad fer it Liam Gallagher jacket #nosunshiiiiiine"
Swann also went looking for a Lady Gaga telephone
"It's a rare man can be that tough on the field and also have his own line of underwear."
Barack Obama hails David Beckham. Lord knows what he would think of David Ginola
"They should celebrate their third-place achievement and I will focus on winning titles."
Samir Nasri goads Arsenal fans after Manchester City won the Premier League title
"It'll take them a century to get to our level."
It's unclear if Sir Alex Ferguson meant Manchester United's success or arrogance when he discussed the gulf between them and City
"He just needs to make his brain work. That is his only problem."
Roberto Mancini could not believe a City medical did not pick up a serious flaw with Mario Balotelli before he signed for the club
For more quotes from the sporting world, click here.